I reminisce those bygone days when I was an innocent playful kid. There are some undeniable mistakes that I can look at without guilt but with self-confidence. Going back to these remarkable experiences gives me the shovel of understanding; to dig the treasures of how imperfection leads to perfection. If there are no errors there is nothing to correct and without nothing to correct there is nothing to understand.
The door of understanding leads to the realization of what is needed to accept and the way to improvement. With acceptance these mistakes make me the person that I am today. These are some of my memorable childhood stories that left a mark to forge a path towards self-realization.
The first story I'm about to tell took place when I was in grade one, it was lunch time. I'm with my loving mother, a teacher, with her co-teachers eating lunch in a quiet classroom right next to my mother's noisy classroom. Without thinking, I stood up and left my nutritious food to come out and play.
I went inside my mother's classroom. My mother's classroom had a shiny floor because her students just floor waxed it. The floor is very slippery when I walked in. I witnessed my mother's loud, joyful students playing. Into my eyes it was very engaging like food for my pleasure.
I then joined and started playing with them. I started chasing my mother's students. With my velocity on a slippery waxed floor my steady feet are like a speeding vehicle with no brake. I hit my forehead on the sharp, hard edge of my mother’s brown narrow table.
This accidental incident leaves a diamond shaped scar right in the middle of my forehead. I treasure this scar to serve as a remembrance for that selfless act and remind me of a very important lesson. When I look at myself in the mirror today, this permanent diamond shaped scar right in the middle of my forehead makes me realize not to abandon important matters of the present just for pleasure.
The second remarkable childhood story that I can share is the time where I first encountered fear. I locked myself in a silent, gloomy room by accident. I was ignorant and don't know what to do. As I touch the cold lock of the gold colored door knob, I envision dark clouds that are surrounding me that I can't turn the knob to open.
I feel the cold chill the touch of the heavy hands of fear pulling me down. Light of darkness blinds my eyes and the deafening silence in my ears. It enters into my nostrils like a smoke. Like a smoke choking me to breathe slowly. Hearing my breaths like a whisper of Vesper, hearing the beating of my heart pounding like the drums of war and the ticktock of a death clock.
I was knocking the door with all my strength repeatedly, loudly like my world is turning around very slowly and my soul is running away. I'm yelling loudly but without a voice, but an echo of my cry that seems to reach the mountain of unknown as I was surrounded by the fear of the unknown which entrapped me. I was trapped inside-out and the world pauses. That time I was in a world of void. Lost out of my perception of reality.
This personal experience taught me that fear can really manifest in our reality. Our thoughts can create what we think the world is, especially when our minds are out of ourselves. The panic will make us lose our common sense and will make a simple problem seem hard. Fear is the border of freedom and understanding will make us conquer the fear of the unknown.
The third story I want to share are when I was in my teenage, I grow up with uncontrollable self-expression. I freely chase the urge of pleasure with my wants. I was mindful that leads me in neglecting the needs of things to do for my future. I was one of those annoying bullies trying to look hard when I'm weak inside.
Bullying, picking on someone even though they are not doing anything, just to see the fear in their eyes and make them respect me. My pride my ego, myself in burn. I cut classes with my buddies in abandonment of school and not thinking of what my future plans.
One time as I continue with my adventure of unlimited freedom of negligence, I got locked up in jail for some stupid reason that I did. I thought it was cool and fun, I see myself in there with pride. When I got out and my family picked me up, I saw my worried, caring mother crying with her heart. My mother's tears drop like a diamond of love that she feels for me, dropping and breaking my pride.
This moment touched my heart and opened my mind to ask questions. I write down my emotions to serve as a mirror to look at my inner-self. This inspired me to strive and be a better person than I was. This wakes me up in awareness of what I am doing.
From that moment until now, I write and seek within as a guide like a mirror for myself. A mirror to see the ugliness in me and what or where to improve. I write the fire in my heart as it burns and light my emotions by writing poetry and philosophical ideas. I begin to be a curious one asking questions about life, freedom, God, who am I? And what is the purpose of all these things that is going on.
By writing poetry and arguments essays it is helping me to comprehend things that I don't understand and expand my understanding. I also discovered my inborn talent and interest. My writings are leading me to somewhere good by finding out more about the world and myself.
I realize that this is how I can know freedom by knowing within. I realize that if I seek within and understand what is going on, I will have no fear and conquer the fear of the unknown. My curiosity, my bad and good experiences lead me to find out more and defy the borders of the box that I am in.
This leads me to do some research on how to know more about self and to find out the importance of meditation and be a spiritual person. It also led me to see the manipulation of material things and the lies of this world.
Being locked inside a room is just an illusion. It is an illusion of losing freedom. True freedom is having no fear and having no desire to self-seek, but to seek self with courage.
Let no border, stopping us seeking true freedom, for there are no edges and there are no sides there are only borders to break. Those borders are the enclosure from fear and deceptions of ignorance to keep us away to who we really are.
Alvin A. Aquino
Alvin is a visionary poetic philosopher who seeks Enlightenment in life. Forging for a new way of understanding by sharing his personal experience and intuitive ideas for human development through creative pursuits.